There is a sociological law at play when you revise who you are. Other people are not “ok” with it. Even if they are at peace with you doing something beneficial, ultimately they aren’t committed to the deep change required to view someone they know in a different way. And they are certainly not excited about the implications.
This is a problem. And it’s a big one. It is furtive. It is clandestine. It’s seldom overt. But they are out to sabotage you. Not intentionally, mind you. Merely because they have an identity in their minds which is loosely based on who you WERE, it causes them grave distress when that is shifting. It means the world is shifting. And people don’t just dislike change, they can’t stand it.
Think about what’s happening here. You have decided to grow and change in a fundamental way. Others have not, clearly. They will continue to box you in to their fixed and predefined categories. They will “hear” you say something you never say anymore. They will “see” you do something you don’t do anymore. They will engage with your old self and ignore and refuse to validate the one you’re becoming.
This requires a certain amount of leadership and “setting the tone” when you commit to improvement. That is, you must view that you are the absolute authority of your actions in any environment. Your work friends will continue to put out candy dishes and ridiculous treats when they know you don’t need to waste your decision making budget on opting out. Your family will expect you to shop at the same places and have the same items on hand.
And on the list goes. This is why personal development and growth isn’t a bolt-on catch phrase while people work in the same way in the exact same place doing the same things in the same manner. A weekend retreat, a great inspirational book, an outstanding podcast is worthless when stacked up against obvious and severe alterations in how you operate.
The long term successes find how they’ll sit comfortably within new interpersonal interactions as the crabs continue to claw them back into the bucket.
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