elev8 wellness
  • Elev8 Wellness
    • About
    • Meet the team
    • Classes >
      • Women's Wellness Series
      • Elev8 Yoga
      • Elev8 Dance
      • Elev8 Kids Programs >
        • Elev8kids Summer Camp
        • Toddler Classes
    • Our Studios >
      • Rent Our Studio
    • Elev8 Recipes
  • WellBlog
    • Elev8 Weekly Thoughts
  • Services
  • Virtual Coaching
  • Contact
    • Take a Tour

wellblog

These Two Sentences Will Help you Stay The Course

3/28/2020

0 Comments

 
Picture
"I don't do that."

​"Don't ask me to undermine my code."

When you have staked out a position for how you will live your life, a lot of other people take that as a personal challenge that they must destroy your morality. When you commit to losing weight, people will say, “can’t you have just one cupcake?” When you have committed to early morning workouts, they will say, “can’t you sleep in just ONE day?” Whatever parameters you decide to place on yourself others will take as a silent judgment on their unmanaged lives and seek to undermine your moral code. Even when it is abundantly evident you couldn’t care less how they want to live their lives, they aren’t satisfied by letting you be your best self. Crabs in a bucket.


A lot of clients, peers, and friends have voiced this concern to me over the years. It makes them fearful of parties, get-togethers, and holidays. I try to remind them that you cannot be a follower when you are changing how you live. You must don the mantle of leadership. And you must expect that people will desire tearing you down, rather than supporting you. I've encountered it in every facet of life, from parenting to business, and everything in between. When people see discipline, vision, joy, and clarity, they are oddly drawn to challenge it before they are inspired to emulate it.

And I think it’s productive to place it in a hard moral context. The first line of defense when others seek to tear you down can be a simple “I don’t do that.” Avoid saying “can’t.” Keep it simple: I don’t. This is phrase one. Practice it. Memorize it. It will take care of about 90% of people.

On occasion, this will inspire people (the other 10%) with no moral compass to double down, because your resolve is unnerving to them. Rather than just respect your boundaries, people want to bulldoze through. 
It’s at this point you need to put the moral aspect out there. You are developing or have developed a code of conduct for yourself. For a variety of reasons, they disrespect that and seek to undermine it.
​

Unfortunately, when they’ve hit this dead end, they will flip into gaslighting, arguing that your sensibilities are adversely affecting THEM. I think of it like a gang member asking you to keep a lookout while he and others rape, rob, or kill. They were unsuccessful at inspiring you to rape, rob, or kill. You DON’T do that. You WON’T do that. So the inquiry will turn into something like “if you were a real friend, you would support me in what I HAVE to do”. Umm. No. No one needs to accept enabling and complicity in any acts, let alone ones which an individual deems immoral for herself. My self-discipline doesn't say anything about you; but your attempt to upset it does make you a bad person.

​There’s a chasm of difference between a favor that is reasonable but difficult and a “favor” which undermines your moral code.

When they've hit the gaslighting stage, you've got one more phrase: "don’t ask me to undermine my code.” That’s all. It's simple. This stops anyone with a shred of humanity left. Practice the line. Memorize it. And to be fair, don’t ask others to undermine their codes. We can all get along and be good to one another while maintaining our codes and respecting boundaries. When people commit to a path, whether it be a journey of growth or a fitness effort, the best thing we can do is to show support, rather than ask them to give up their compass. Over time, you'll find that some of the people most ready to undermine your code will come back seeking your advice on building their own resolve. 

Memorize these two sentences. Don't rephrase them into softer versions. Practice them. Say them aloud. Use them.

Stay the course.
0 Comments

Your comment will be posted after it is approved.


Leave a Reply.

    Elev8 Wellness
    ​wellblog

    We strive to provide the latest articles and commentary on health, fitness, nutrition and vitality strategy.

    Archives

    February 2024
    January 2024
    December 2023
    November 2023
    October 2023
    September 2023
    August 2023
    July 2023
    June 2023
    May 2023
    April 2023
    March 2023
    February 2023
    January 2023
    November 2022
    October 2022
    September 2022
    August 2022
    July 2022
    June 2022
    May 2022
    April 2022
    March 2022
    February 2022
    January 2022
    December 2021
    November 2021
    October 2021
    September 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    June 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    March 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    December 2020
    November 2020
    October 2020
    September 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    July 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    July 2016
    June 2016
    March 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    January 2015
    November 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013

    Categories

    All
    Active Memory
    Age
    Business
    Cancer
    Coaching
    Dementia
    Diet
    Dna
    Elev8 Wellness
    Family
    Fat
    Fish Oil
    Genetics
    Gut Health
    Health
    Jonathan Watters
    Ketosis
    Leadership
    Life
    Memory
    Muscle
    Nutrition
    Optimisim
    Parkinsons
    Pessimism
    Probiotics
    Sales
    Spatial Intelligence
    Strength Training
    Weight Loss
    Weight-loss
    Wellness

    RSS Feed

Picture

LIVE. AWESOME.

We offer the highest quality in personal  fitness, nutrition, and mindset coaching, helping you achieve your fitness, health, wellness and performance goals no matter the obstacle. With virtual online training and private, in-studio training we make it easier to reach your wellness goals safely.

​No more can't. No more not good enough. If you compete in a sport, let your mind no longer hold you back from being the greatest. If you don't, let your mind no longer hold you back from being the best version of you that you can be.

Sign-up for a Tour
Covid Screen Waiver
​Elev8 Waiver
Become an Elev8 Instructor
Space Rental
LOGIN / MEMBER REGISTER

6244 lyndale ave. s., minneapolis, mn 55423
[email protected]
612-440-6877

© 2021 Elev8 Wellness LLC.  All Rights Reserved.                                              site map  |  contribute  |                                                           SITE BY  Sproute Creative
Photos from benzado, frankieleon, hatcher10027, Sterling College, OakleyOriginals, rawpixel.com, quinn.anya, allispossible.org.uk, wuestenigel, jeffdjevdet, Brian Legate, jeffreyw, Ray Larabie, katerha, Agência Brasil, TheBetterDay, A. M. D.
  • Elev8 Wellness
    • About
    • Meet the team
    • Classes >
      • Women's Wellness Series
      • Elev8 Yoga
      • Elev8 Dance
      • Elev8 Kids Programs >
        • Elev8kids Summer Camp
        • Toddler Classes
    • Our Studios >
      • Rent Our Studio
    • Elev8 Recipes
  • WellBlog
    • Elev8 Weekly Thoughts
  • Services
  • Virtual Coaching
  • Contact
    • Take a Tour